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Headlights

Chorus
Mom, I know I let you down
and though you say the days are happy, why's the power off
and I'm fucked-up and Mom, I know he's not around, but don't you place the blame on me
as you pour yourself another drink yeah, I guess we are
who we are, headlights shinin' in the dark night I drive on
maybe we took this too far…

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Verse 1
I went in head first, never thinkin' about who what I said hurt, in what verse
my mom probably got it the worst
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the brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are did I take it too far
cleanin' out my closet and all them other songs but regardless I don't hate you 'cuz Ma
you're still beautiful to me, 'cuz you're my mom
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tho far be from you to be to calm, our house was Vietnam
Desert Storm and both of us put together could form an atomic bomb
equivalent to chemical warfare and forever we could drag this on and on but
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agree to disagree, that gift for me up under the Christmas tree
don't mean shit to me, you're kickin' me out? it's 15 degrees
and it's Christmas Eve, "little prick just leave" Ma, let me grab my fuckin' coat
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anything to have each other's goats, why we always at each other's throats
'specially when dad, he fucked us both, we're in the same fuckin' boat
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you'd think that'd make us close, nope, further away it drove
us but together, headlights shine and car full of belongings, still got a ways to go
back to grandma's house it's straight up the road
and I was the man of the house, the oldest so my shoulders carried the weight of the load
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then Nate got taken away by the state at 8 years old
and, that's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable
and to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
but

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Chorus
I guess we are
who we are headlights shinin' in the dark night I drive on
maybe we took this too far…

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Verse 2
'Cuz to this day we remain estranged and I hate though
'Cuz you ain't even get to witness your grand-babies grow
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but I'm sorry mamma for "Cleanin' Out My Closet" at the time I was angry, rightfully maybe so
never meant that far to take it tho 'cuz, now I know its not your fault and I'm not makin' jokes
that song I'll no longer play at shows and I cringe every time its on the radio
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and I think of Nathan bein' placed in a home
and all the medicine you fed us and how I just wanted you to taste your own
but, now the medication's takin' over and your mental state's deterioratin' slow
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and I'm way to old to cry the shit is painful though
but Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo
all you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
Foster Care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yers
but I love you Debbie Mathers, oh what a tangled web we have 'cuz
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one thing I never asked was, where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
fuck it, I guess he had trouble keepin' up with every address
but I'd a flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
owned a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
(if) someone ever moved 'em from me, that you coulda bet'cha asses
if I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa
kidnap 'em, and although one has only met their grandma
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once, you pulled up in our drive one night as we were leavin' to get some hamburgers
me, her and Nate we introduced you, hugged you, and as you left I had this
overwhelmin' sadness
come over me as we pulled off to go our separate paths and
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I saw your headlights as I looked back and I'm mad I didn't get the chance ta
thank you for bein' my mom and my dad, so
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mom please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet, I guess I had ta
get this off my chest I hope I get the chance ta lay it 'for I'm dead, the stewardess said to fasten
my seatbelt I guess we're crashin'
so if I'm not dreamin' I hope you get this message that I
will always love you from afar
'cuz you're my Ma

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Chorus
I guess we are
who we are headlights shinin' in the dark night I drive on
maybe we took this too far…
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I want a new life (start over), one without a cause
(clean slate) so I'm comin' home tonight (yeah), well no matter what the cost
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and if the plane goes down or if the crew cant wake me up, well, just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
oh, even if there's songs to sing, well my children will carry me
just know that I'm alright
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I was not afraid to die
because I put my faith in my little girls
so I'll never say goodbye cruel world
just know that I'm alright
I'm not afraid to die
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I guess we are
who we are, headlights shinin' in the dark night I drive on
maybe we took this too far… I want a new life.
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